The Unspoken Struggle

It was by far the darkest forty days of my life. I went in for a major colorectal surgery in early March of 2014. I had been dealing with terrible abdominal pain and discomfort for over two years. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. My surgery went well, but afterward, there were major complications. I had postoperative ileus (POI)—a complication after abdominal surgery, where the intestines temporarily stop working. It lasted forty long days, twenty-five of which were spent in the hospital. I couldn’t eat or drink. TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) through an IV line provided the nutrition I needed to survive. I went through a period of depression unlike anything I'd ever known.

Ten days before being admitted to the hospital for the surgery, I was overwhelmed with joy by the arrival of my firstborn, Abigail. I expected to be back with my wife and daughter within four or five days, but my expectations were frustrated. My frustration turned to gloom. My depression was so bad that I came to a point where I didn’t even answer my wife’s phone calls. I wasn’t angry with her. I had just lost all enthusiasm and motivation. Maybe it was a combination of the circumstances, physical pain, medications, and personality. Whatever was causing it, I was depressed. But it was hard to admit this, even once the dreadful ordeal was over.

I’m a pastor. I’m a Bible-believing Christian. I wasn’t supposed to be experiencing depression, or was I? The stigma associated with depression among Christians has led many to suppress their emotions and not seek much-needed professional help. While many Christian communities are becoming more open and supportive of the idea of mental health therapy, some prevailing beliefs and interpretations of faith have historically contributed to this stigma.

Misconceptions about the nature of mental illness: Some Christians have not viewed depression as a legitimate illness, but as a spiritual failing, a lack of faith, or a sign of unconfessed sin. While true in some cases, this perspective can lead to the belief that if someone is truly "right with God," they shouldn't experience such struggles. This ignores the biological, psychological, and environmental factors that contribute to depression.

Misinterpretation of biblical teachings: Certain biblical passages might be misinterpreted to suggest that Christians should always be joyful and not experience negative emotions. This can create a culture where admitting to depression is seen as contrary to Christian living. However, the Bible contains numerous accounts of individuals, including prophets, experiencing profound sorrow, despair, and anguish.

Fear of appearing “weak” or “unfaithful”: There can be a pressure within some Christian communities to maintain an outward appearance of strength and unwavering faith. Admitting to depression might be perceived as a sign of weakness or a failure to trust in God's provision. This can lead to individuals suffering in silence rather than seeking help.

The Bible, far from presenting a sanitized or idealized view of its heroes, offers a remarkably transparent and often raw depiction of their brokenness, including struggles that strongly resemble what we now understand as depression. It doesn't shy away from revealing the profound despair, fear, and emotional turmoil experienced by even its most revered figures.

For example, Moses, after leading the Israelites through the wilderness, reaches a point of utter exhaustion and cries out to God, "Why have you dealt ill with your servant? ... I am not able to carry all this people alone, for it is too heavy for me." (Numbers 11:11, 14). This sounds like profound burnout and overwhelm, classic symptoms of despair.

Elijah, fresh off a spectacular victory over the prophets of Baal, flees for his life and collapses under a broom tree, asking God to take his life, saying, "It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers." (1 Kings 19:4). This is a vivid portrayal of suicidal thoughts stemming from emotional exhaustion and fear.

Job, in the depths of unimaginable suffering, laments his birth, curses the day he was conceived, and expresses profound sorrow, isolation, and a desire for death. His prolonged anguish and questioning of God's ways are a powerful testament to the reality of deep emotional pain.

David, despite being a "man after God's own heart," frequently pours out his soul in the Psalms, expressing deep anguish, guilt, fear, and feelings of abandonment. Phrases like "My tears have been my food day and night" (Psalm 42:3), "My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?" (Psalm 6:3), and "I am weary with my groaning; every night I make my bed swim with my tears" (Psalm 6:6) paint a clear picture of profound sorrow and what many would recognize as depressive states.

These accounts, and many others, demonstrate that the Bible does not gloss over the mental and emotional struggles of its characters. Instead, it validates the experience of human brokenness, even in those who had a deep relationship with God. This transparency offers a powerful message: that faith does not exempt individuals from profound suffering, and even in their lowest points, these figures are still presented as part of God's redemptive story. Their struggles are recorded not as a sign of failure, but as a realistic depiction of the human condition and an invitation to find solace and hope even amidst despair. God wants people who are struggling with depressed feelings to be honest with themselves. Emotions, even difficult ones, don't diminish His love for them. Instead, his heart is to bring people to a place of victory and to help them rise above these struggles. He desires to walk with them through their darkest moments, offering comfort, healing, and strength so they can experience the fullness of life he intends for them.