The Unspoken Struggle / 2

They were married for over forty years, but now she was done. She endured verbal and financial abuse, and witnessed her oldest son experience terrible physical abuse as a child, yet she remained faithful to her marriage vows. After all, this is what she was taught the Bible required. And where would she go even if she had felt at liberty to leave her husband? How would she make a living? Her parents were dead, her brothers were not much different from her husband, and she had no college education. She had sacrificed that for her husband. But now, in her mid-sixties, my grandmother was divorcing my grandfather. Though he was probably sleeping around with other women for years, she now had clear evidence. The family was devastated, but everyone supported her decision to leave Grandpa.

It was sad to see Grandma struggle with depression in the months that followed. She was in a fog. She was hurt, ashamed, and scared. How could he do this to me? What would church people think? How will I make it financially? She didn't have a job or a marketable skill. She didn't know how to do personal finances. She had not been in a bank. The future looked dark, and her depressed feelings reflected it.

But something beautiful and amazing happened to my grandmother. She decided she would not be depressed. She believed that God would take care of her and that she would do her part to make sure that life would go on and that she would live it to the fullest. She was keenly aware that things would be difficult. She would feel lonely, and financially limited. But she began counting all of her blessings. She was still in good health. She had three children who supported her. She had a church family that understood her plight. She had legal rights that would ensure that she would at least be able to retire with some dignity. Everything worked out reasonably well. She not only decided not to be depressed, but she also chose to forgive her ex-husband. Her mental health was preserved. She lived a quality twenty years after the divorce before being diagnosed with dementia a few years ago. She is still alive and being well taken care of by her faithful adult children.

Though not a topic explicitly addressed in Scripture, depression is something many Bible characters struggled with. According to the Psalms, for example, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (34:18). My grandmother was “crushed in spirit.” She was “depressed.” But by God’s grace, she did not remain there. She was “transformed by the renewing of [her] mind” (Rom 12:2). She overcame by allowing God to correct her distorted thoughts. She chose to allow the Spirit to rule her thinking. She allowed the mind that was in Jesus to be in her (Phil 2:5).

Two female Bible characters were also “crushed in spirit,” but who were able to overcome by holding on to God in their despair. Hannah experienced profound grief and what the Bible describes as “bitterness of soul” due to her inability to have children (1 Sam 1:10). Her rival, Peninnah, provoked her to the point of weeping and being unable to eat. Hannah's distress was so great that the priest, Eli, initially mistook her fervent, silent prayer for drunkenness. Her story illustrates the deep emotional pain that can accompany infertility and social pressure.

After the death of her husband and two sons in a foreign land, Naomi was left destitute and filled with bitterness. Upon her return to Bethlehem, she told the townspeople, "Don’t call me Naomi... Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty" (Ruth 1:20-21). Her renaming of herself to "Mara," which means “bitter,” signifies the depth of her grief and despair.

Thankfully, my grandmother, Hannah, and Naomi, were able to rise above depression and live life to the fullest. Please make no mistake, they lived difficult lives. They suffered greatly and carried heavy burdens to their graves, but with God’s help, they were able to rise out of bed each morning and find joy by serving others. Their story can be the story of every woman (and every man) dealing with the deep anguish of the soul. In Jesus, all of us can be more than conquerors.